A good friend of mine is starting up a book club, and I'm joining in. I've never been part of a book club before and I'm really excited. I've tired, but always chickened out because of my shyness. It's really hard for me to meet new people, I have problems carrying on conversations.
Of course my friends look at me and say "Shy? You? NO way, the farthest from shy" I guess they don't remember when we first met and I didn't say anything. Now, once I get to know someone I really don't shut-up. I've been working hard on this shyness thing.
I think it all started when I joined the meetup group for Girls' Night. I remember that first night like it was yesterday. I almost didn't go.
Ok, I guess I'm not on the book club thing, but I will get back to it, because I think this all ties in.
So, my first girls' night out. It was at Crown Uptown. A musical. Footloose. I love Footloose, so I was excited. I had been living here for a few years and didn't really have any friends. I was so nervous. There was a message on the meetup board about attire. I had been to Crown Uptown and knew you didn't really need to dress up............but I wasn't about to post that, being a newbie and all. So, everyone else decided we needed to dress up. Now this is back when I was pet sitting full time, and I had gained some weight. So, I really didn't have much to wear, my wardrobe consisted of jeans and tee shirts, and a bunch of stuff that didn't fit. I found a skirt and jacket that fit, but felt completely stupid. I showed up and walked down to our table. There were other newbies...........I sat next to Cassie (she went shopping and bought a new wrap that was very pretty) I did my best to participate in conversation, but I know I was quiet. I remember Rebekah, Anna, Jen and Serena. There were others there, but I don't remember who.
This was on February 17, 2007. 1 1/2 years ago.
The show was great and afterwards some of us walked across the street to a dive bar. Here is where I felt embarrassed again. We put our purses in the middle of the table. Everyone had these cute LITTLE purses, and mine was big. Why would this embarrass me? I obviously have issues. Do you know what I did the next day? Yep, I bought two small purses to use on Girls' Night Out. Wow.
So, I remember the night I met those girls. I also remember the night I met the woman who cornered me and would not stop talking about breastfeeding. Breastfeeding. Her 2 year old. Yes, I said breastfeeding her 2 year old. He was almost 3, and she thought she might need to cut back. Cut back on breastfeeding her almost 3 year old. I don't remember her name, and I never saw her again. This was the St. Patricks day house party. It was a very successful party. Lot's of girls there. This was the night I met Autumn and Tammy. And made friends with Serena. There was drama that night, but I won't go into that now, maybe later. It's a funny story.
I remember my first conversation with Tammy. She brought the guacamole dip. I was staring at it, trying to decide if I should eat it. I'm a very picky eater. As I was staring at this dish, Tammy came up and said "It's Guacamole." She was looking at me like I was crazy. I am somewhat crazy, but I didn't want her to know this. So, I ate it. And OMG, it was good!!! It's one of my favorite appetizers now. Thank you Tammy! I don't know how I went through 30 years of my life without guac.
Ok, so those were my first two events, and 1 1/2 years later and I'm still going strong. I've made some great friends, and I've even had conversations on the phone!! Mostly with Amy, but still, I can do it. I hate it, but I can do it.
Does anyone else HATE talking on the phone?? I cringe when the damn thing rings.
Back to the book club. I'm really excited about this, and I hope to meet new people. I set that personal goal 1 1/2 years ago and I think I'm doing well. I want to continue to meet new people. I love the friends that I have made and want to make more.
Back to the book club again. I'm nervous, even though I will know most of the people there. I'm usually the loudmouth, the class clown maybe? Now that I'm comfortable around these people, I just say whatever comes to mind. Sometimes it comes out wrong, or too loud, or at the wrong time. But, they usually laugh. Or maybe they really want to run and hide. Which brings up a funny story from last night. It was Sarah's wedding. I missed the wedding because of class, but went to the reception. Remember how stressed I am?? Yeah. So, I had a little too much to drink and apparently was giving the DJ a hard time at the end of the night. So, the DJ asks (on the mic) "who invited her?" Not in a bad way, in a funny way. All my friends yell "the bride". As the bride is walking up the dance floor. So he says "you invited Her??" Sarah gives me a hug and says "OH, she's just drunk"
Ok, so as I type that it really isn't that funny. One of those 'you had to be there' moments.
Back to the book club again. Since I'm usually the funny one, do I have to be serious in a book club? What if I don't sound 'intelligent' enough?? What if they're like "Stephanie can you just shut-up for awhile?" What if I don't get the book read in time? What if I hate the book and everyone else loves it and I don't want to admit my true opinions in fear of them thinking "we don't want her again".
Yes, these are the things that I worry about. Kind of ironic since I started this post out with my shyness problem and not being able to talk to people. I obviously have issues.